Does It Really Matter?

Fundraising is draining. Emotionally and physically. I ask myself, "Does it really matter?" Sometimes I really want to quit and just concentrate on my race/run/event. Take the extra time to relax and get into my ninja-like state of calm..... Then I get an email, message or phone call that punches me in the mouth and inspires me to do more, to work harder, to find a way to raise more money and awareness to beat the monster. Here is one that I wanted to share. No matter how hard it gets on the trail, road or track, my struggles will always pale in significance. I know that I'm not even a tiny fraction of the person she/he thinks I am..... but if it helps them through a dark hour or time, I will keep striving to that level. 

Thank you. Hmmm...thank you doesn't even begin to say what I really want to say. I don't even know that I can find the words right now...and I would write thank you a million times right now if I could.
Thank you...

I know that (a mutual friend)  had you add me to the scroll. I didn't know what to say. I have been pretty private about what I have been going through. I have not discussed this openly yet (other than what I have shared with some very special people in my life...my cheerleaders), but in my attempt to be as normal as possible through this stuff, I have found a lot of strength and inspiration. I am finding out who I really am. 

Thank you...

I went to the gym this morning and had a great strength workout and a little bit of time on the elliptical...and I threw up...and I went back to the lipty and finished out my cool down. I was already exhausted, but I kept going. And I know that a workout that is a little over an hour is nothing compared to what you have done with your running, but I thought of you. I thought of YOU. Because you are pretty freaking amazing. You endure miles that some people could only dream of. Because you are YOU. And I know I haven't talked to you yet, but I watch from my quiet little corner in the world and I think you are one of a kind...incredible...crazy (in only the best ways)...and the most wonderful person I have never met. 

Thank you...

For the times you go out there and you think that you can't push through another mile, but you do it anyways...you inspire. You inspire me...

Thank you...

For caring so much about something to make a difference. For turning your pain into a passion.

Thank you...

For not quitting. I read your post about the 50 and started crying almost instantly. THANK YOU FOR NOT QUITTING.

Thank you...

I am sick tonight. I am exhausted and sick and angry. But I am hopeful. I am half way through my treatment and I have a light at the end of the tunnel. I have not and will not let "chuck" define me (the other word is just too much to say some days...I prefer chuck) . 

Thank you...

You give me motivation to keep going. I will wake up and go to the gym tomorrow morning. And no matter how much I want to stay in bed, because it hurts to wake up, I will get my ass moving anyways. And I will do my workout with a smile on my face. And I will push myself to add more weight to the machines. And it is going to hurt. But it will hurt so good. Then I will take a nap. 

Thank you...

You give me a reason to not stop. After my nap and some food that tastes like tinfoil (I swear...everything tastes like tinfoil right now) I am going to hop on my bike and ride like there is no tomorrow. It might not be far and it certainly won't be fast, but if you can run a shit ton of miles, there is no reason I can't go for a ride. 

Thank you...

I will cry. I think it is ok to cry. And I will be angry that I can't throw out a century ride just yet. And I will laugh because I might just be crazy. And I will cry some more... and I will read your post again. And I will cry a little more. I am not sad though. Don't be mistaken. I am just so touched by what you do. 

Thank you...

For taking me along for your run. It means so much to me.

Thank you...

...for being you.


Just another reason to Relay. I will post this message on my "aid station" tonight as I attempt 60 miles on the track. When I feel like quitting, or start thinking that it doesn't matter, I'll take a few minutes to read this again.